I’ve spent the last couple of days thinking about what to write here. I decided not to write anything yesterday as my mother always told me, ‘If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.’
Also, my head is all over the place so the chances are that this post will be too so please forgive me if I confuse you at all…
I’ll start by telling you a little bit about myself… My husband is in the british army, which means he can spend days, weeks, even months at a time away from home (I’m one of the lucky ones as Matt hasn’t had to be deployed- YET).
Anyone who knows about military life more than likely knows how sucluded it can be. You move somewhere, you make friends and close conections, then you are posted half way up the country and are ripped away from those friends. There comes a time in most army wives life that she gives up on trying to meet new people or make new friends. For me, that time is now… I haven’t given up because I know I will be moving again in 2-3 years… No, I have given up because Army Wives are known as curtain twitches… This means they love to be in everyones business, they start rumours about ‘friends’ and neighbours, purely for their own entertainment. They are ‘horrible’ to say the least. I’m aware I, myself, am an Army Wife and I don’t doubt for a single second there are nice ones out there- I’m just yet to meet them.
In our last ‘posting’ I met some wonderful friends that I will cherish for the rest of my life but sadly meeting those friends also brought some enimies- they are the curtain twitchers I spoke of earlier- I had such a bad experience living there that it has scared me half to death to even take my children to school… I’m terrified another wife will try and talk to me and want to keep in touch… I have sucluded myself to my home and refused my husbands offers of inviting his friends and their wives for dinner ect.
Sadly, this has lead me to be the loniest I have ever been. I have no contact with my parents or siblings, and very little contact with my Grandparents as they live such busy lives. I am aware I have brought this on myself and whenever I build up the courage to talk to someone new, I chicken out last minute.
I like to be an optimust. I see the bright side of every situation and express it for the world to hear. I get emotional at times, just as everyone does, but I never allow it to be seen. My husband hadn’t seen me cry for over a year- until last night. He came home from a few days away with work and I just collapsed in his arms, crying like a newborn baby. He was so startled to see me cry he thought I had done something wrong, when the truth is, I just couldn’t hide my emotion any longer.
I feel very blessed for my virtual friends- facebook, blog, twitter, ect- and you are all so lovely and extremely encouraging… I can’t thank you enough for all the kind words you have given me.
The future is always unclear for a military family- We are used to packing up our house every few years and moving to an address the army give us, where ever it may be in the world. But as Matt comes to the final few years of his carreer, we have been talking about what to do next. All we know is military life (both of us coming from Army or Navy families) and the thought of living in ‘civvie street’ as we call it, scares the life out of me.
I guess, where I’m going with this is, you never know what the future holds, where life will take you or what Gods (if you believe in him) plan is for you… You just have to work hard, do best by your children/family and I guess you get back what you put in… And that’s what I intent to do. I have got my course work and I’ve started reading through the moduels, so I will work, live and sleep untill one day, I get back what I earn (hopefully).
Thank you for reading and I sincerly hope I haven’t put anyone in a bad mood for the rest of the day…
See you soon beautiful people xxx